Manipulation or love?

broke up with girl twice, told her i was cheating, week later cmissed her and said sorry im not cheating. sent her flowers and said call me if i had a chance still. she did. then i got drunk and tired of her needing to "get over it" and called her dum fat stupid ugly etc, and accused her of cheating. then i said sorry can i fix things she said ok i shouldnt love someone like you. i never called back. i cant get over this problem, i dont care if she gets hurt or anything, i dont even want to be around her. whats going on? why do i keep doing this. i even took another girl to her reaurnat and she got up and left after 10 minutes, she say she gonna put a restrain order on me but then texts me 3 hours later. please help me out of this? part of me wants her but part doesnt